With Self-scoring Quiz
Also see: Lektion 2 of German for Beginners (personal pronouns)
In Part One we discussed the importance of understanding the use of the two forms of "you" in German, Sie and du/ihr. As promised, we'll also have the answer to the in-law Sie vs. du question and offer a quiz to test your grasp of Sie vs. du, but first a few more details about the formal and familiar "you" in German.
The basic rules and some helpful guidelines were outlined in our introduction. Now we'll look more closely at the cultural ingredients. The cultural aspects of Sie vs. du are a prime example of how culture and language are inseparable.
Many foreign-language educators feel that the cultural aspects of language are just as important as vocabulary and grammar. An interesting article by Helga H. DeLisle of New Mexico State University discusses the Sie vs. du issue in an interesting connection. Without going into all the details, DeLisle's most important points are: (1) the German forms of address used by American professors and students when they interact is different from that used by professors and students in a university setting in Germany, and (2) there were valid cultural reasons for this.
Even though the American and the German professors and students were using the same language (German), because they were functioning in two different cultures, the usage of du and Sie was different! In Germany the professors and their students tend to use Sie plus the last name. Much less frequent is the use of du and the first name. Fairly rare is a third option: Sie and the FIRST name. (This is a hybrid form of address that has arisen in recent years and represents a compromise between the strict formality of Sie plus last name and the close familiarity of du plus first name.)
But no matter which form is used in Germany, there is always reciprocity—that is, if the professor uses du plus first name, then the students also use that form of address. It was the same for Sie plus last name or Sie plus first name. Reciprocity basically means that each party in a conversation is on equal footing and no one is being condescending or talking down to the other.
On the other hand, a survey of American universities revealed that Sie plus first name—rare in Germany—is the most common form used by US professors of German. Furthermore, it was common for the American professors to use Sie plus first name, but for the students to use Sie plus last name when addressing their professor. This U.S. usage, unlike the German practice, violates the reciprocity rule. The author asks why this discrepancy exists... and comes up with a logical answer. Apparently, the American professors find that the Sie-plus-first-name form of address for students is better suited to the informality of American culture, without totally going to the du form, which would be too familiar, and give the students the wrong idea of what is correct in German. (But students and professors in a German setting would have a problem with the lack of reciprocity.)
Professor DeLisle further illustrates the importance of reciprocity and the importance of Sie vs. du in German by mentioning several examples in recent years in which Germans had been fined for using du in the wrong situation. The most expensive average fine—over $1,200—was for cases where a person had been found guilty of addressing a police officer as du!
Another article by Lana Rings of the University of Texas, Arlington touches on a related issue: small talk and the way strangers interact in the German and American cultures. Going beyond the du and Sie issue, relatively easy to handle in such situations, Rings points out how Germans and Americans can misinterpret the opposite culture's ways of talking to strangers.
For instance, in dealing with sales people or cashiers, Americans do things differently than Germans. An American at a checkout stand (Kasse) might say something like, "Hi, how are you?" to the cashier. In the same situation, a German is more likely to say nothing at all. If an American has learned only the German phrase for "Hi, how are you?" ("Tag, wie geht's?") but not when it's appropriate, he or she knows just enough to be dangerous in a German-speaking country. (For more about German/American cultural differences, see Prof. Rings' home page at the Univ. of Texas.)
This lack of cultural knowledge can also lead to misunderstandings that interfere with communication. The German thinks the American is being too familiar and superficial. The American thinks the German is being aloof and unfriendly. They're both wrong because neither has learned the pragmatic aspects of the other's language... things that are found all too rarely in foreign-language textbooks and software.
QUIZ > Test Yourself on du/Sie
Now to the "you're being introduced to the German in-laws" question from Part One. Should you use Sie or du? They're strangers but they're also family. Should you always use Sie when in doubt? Well, now is the time to remember the reciprocity principle mentioned earlier. How do the relatives address you? If they say Sie, then you say Sie. If they say du, then you should use the familiar form also. If possible, discuss the matter first with your spouse or the closest relative. In most cases, you'll find that the form of address will be du. - Just remember never to call your spouse Sie!
Quiz: Sie, du or ihr?
Take our self-scoring quiz on the use of the formal and familiar "you."
BACK > Part 1 - Sie und du
References
DeLisle, Helga H. "Forms of Address in Academic Settings: A Contrastive Analysis." Die Unterrichtspraxis / Teaching German, Vol. 26, No. 1, Spring 1993. A publication of the American Association of Teachers of German.
Rings, Lana "Beyond Grammar and Vocabulary: German and American Differences in Routine Formulae and Small Talk." Die Unterrichtspraxis / Teaching German, Vol. 27, No. 2, Fall 1994. A publication of the American Association of Teachers of German.